One Step Closer

Every day I wake embracing the start of something new;
A new work day to help with the treatment of patients,
The promise of laughter from my friends
Guiding me to forget my doubts and worries.

The kindness of a random act by a friend,
Offering a girls night in — watching TV and sipping Mocha Lattes.
The warmth of a contagious smile
From a stranger passing by.

Each day pushes me closer.
The pain has changed though,
It’s no longer a burning in the back of my throat
Hollowing me out from the inside.

No, now it’s more of a constant numbness.
I don’t feel anything anymore.

Oddly enough, I think that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
You’ll never know how much you can love someone
Until you’re left sitting in the hole now hollowed out.

You’ll never know passion,
If you’ve never been burned by its flames.
You’ll never smile brightly,
Unless you’ve cried a river of tears.

As much as it pains me to think so,
I believe in many ways
I’m lucky to have been hurt so deeply.

I know now, that it’s possible for someone to love another
In that mushy, “he’s-all-I-can-ever-think-about” kind of way.
And better yet, I know that I’m completely capable
Of caring that much.

For years, I prided myself on
Being some cynical woman
Who honestly believed that you had one chance
And if you blew it, well you lost out forever.

But there’s life after love.
Just like there’s sunshine after the rain.
Hope after despair.
Friendship after heartbreak.

Every day, I take one step closer — no matter how small –
To being myself again.
To shaking off this numbness
And smiling brighter than the sun.


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